Tigerstar's ALIVE!
by Carousel of Dreams
Summary: Ha ha! You thought Scourge killed me! Fool! I'm back, and so is BloodClan! And I'm going to lead them! MUAHAHAHAHAHA cough cough Heh heh. Hairball. This is was my first story so it indeed sucks. R&R. This is OLD and NOT FUNNY. Really.
1. Laziness and Bobbleheads

An owl came flying in to Cinderpelt with a letter. For some cheap reason, the owl was white and named Hedwig… anyway, back to the story.

It said:

Dear Harry,

You said about a dream and mentioned Wormtail? And the Goblet of Fire? We need to meet face to face. Meet me in the Gryffindor common room 7:30 PM/6:30 PM Central. I need to talk to you, face to face.

Sirius

P.S. The owl bites.

"These Twolegs! They are so lazy to talk to each other in person so they use- messages in oddly colored leaves? Oh, someone Instant Messaged me! Come here Firestar, and you weird gray guy whatever you name is! It says 'LOL I am Tigerstar LOL I'm back from Wal-Mart and bought 2leg junk that will help me rule BloodClan! Some bobble heads! No 1 can resist these 2leg models! Nyways, The package of me ruling BloodClan will arrive in 2 weeks.'" Cinderpelt meowed. "Okay, so Cat Technology has improved! I mean, this Dell was worth all our fresh kill pile and helping Tigerstar rule BloodClan. I mean honestly, I got a bobble head too!" Cinderpelt meowed.

"I was wondering how all our mice 'vanished in thin air'…" Graystripe meowed suspiciously.

Okay so it does suck so far or does it? I hope I did okay! Um its summer so I'll be updating often… bye!

-Me


	2. Medium Rare Steak and NosePicking

Firestar was furious. He threw the fresh-kill pile all the way to ShadowClan. Well hey, if Tigerstar were there, Tigerstar would just die. I mean honestly, Firestar was slashing everywhere and screaming, "BLOOD! I NEED BLOOD!" is what Firestar was wailing all day, slashing everywhere.

Graystripe meowed softly on his way out of Cinderpelt's den, "Well at least you got another chance to kill him!" He paused. "Oh, and if you want blood, then I suggest you order a Medium Rare Steak… Ooh, gotta run before Firestar kills me!" Graystripe ran out faster than you can say "I'm dead and so is Tigerstar".

After that Firestar set up a Clan meeting on his calendar for sunset and 6:00 pm.

" Uh, Firestar? Can I talk to you for a moment?" Graystripe asked peeking through the lichens (I think that's what they're called).

"Sure. Step into my office." Firestar mewed.

"You pick your nose?" Graystripe wondered.

"How did you know- I mean, what gave you that idea?" Firestar asked.

"First of all, there's green gooey stuff like mouse dung everywhere and you have all those scratches on your nose from trying to dig for gold with a claw—okay. Let's cut right to the chase. Are you all okay about Tigerstar-" -Just at Graystripe mentioning Tigerstar's name got Firestar flippin' out- "I mean, You-Know-Who coming back from Wal-Mart?"

"No, I'm over it. But I'm gonna talk to The Clan about it." Firestar mumbled.

"Well I hope you don't flip out later! Bye!" Graystripe meowed on his way out.


	3. His Booger Bling

Author's Note: I know the chapters are really short! So I decided to make them LONGER! I can't believe some people actually LIKE it cause it is my first story! Well so thanks for reviews! I appreciate it because I'll know if I should write more stories. P.S. I think this story is maybe COMPLETELY random! Anyway, the story!

So, at 6:00 pm/5:00 pm central, the meeting started.

"Hey like my new bling, yo?" Firestar cried. He was wearing a green ring that had diamonds. "Okay, a word out to all my peeps, He Who Must Not Be Named has arisen from the dead."

Cats started whispering. Saying things such as, "Voldemort is back?" "What about Darth Vader, my father?" "Anyone want me to order an anchovy pizza?"

"No, Tigerstar!" Graystripe cried. "He doesn't like to say it or else he'll flip---"Graystripe paused. Firestar's eyes grew as red as his pelt. "out"...

"Oh, so he's _my_ father, not Luke the Twoleg's." Brambleclaw meowed.

"Anyways, he Instant Messaged Cinderpelt instead of getting a sign from StarClan. They're getting pretty lazy. You-Know-Who came back from Wal-Mart and bought Twoleg junk, Bobble Heads! To persuade BloodClan so he could rule them. No one can resist these cute little figures. Honestly, mine has one of the East High Wildcats!" Cinderpelt meowed happily and everyone was staring at her. She thought that she was convincing. "Well they do represent us! They're strong, like us! And that Troy Bolton Twoleg, he's the Bobble Head! Oh, uh, shutting up now..."

"Meeting over I need to sleep, I got a curfew. Night!" Firestar meowed.

In the middle of the night, there was a BOOM, BOOM, BOOM... it smelled like mouse dung...

"Ooh, that was me..." Graystripe meowed and turned red.

Then there was a big boom... and it wasn't Graystripe...

So I hope it was long enough, and that it was pretty funny! I try...


	4. Squirrelpaw: Public Enemy 1

Author's Note: Sorry I haven't updated in a while! I'm busy with stuff. Like swimming on this (So Hot) Summer (On Disney Channel)!

All the cats and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again… whoops! Wrong story! All the ThunderClan kitties woke up cause of the booming. They padded out of their dens and started to whisper. Then Tigerstar came through the clearing, BloodClan cats carried him.

"Ooh! ... Sorry, that was me!" Tigerstar meowed.

"Eew! What did you eat?" Leafpaw meowed.

"Anchovy pizza. Yum!" Tigerstar purred.

An unimportant cat that was Tigerstar's wife meowed, "You came back!"

"Yes, but not to see you, but to rule BloodClan! Join me, and we will rule the galaxy!" Tigerstar meowed in ambition. (Sorry to Anakin Skywalker fans)

"No! I will never join you!" the unimportant cat mewed.

Tigerstar grew stronger with the force and choked her. Another addition to lazy StarClan. Yeesh! It was raining and there was thunder, so the giants were bowling.

"Strike! That'll be five bucks, then!" some giant said.

"These bobble heads have hypnotized those BloodClan cats! Up, down, around the heads they go! I am their leader! MUAHAHAHAHA! coughs Heh heh. Hairball.

"Oh no! Cinderpelt got a Troy Bolton bobble head! She was hypnotized!" Firestar meowed in despair. "Now she's a mindless zombie!" (sorry to all Cinderpelt fans, she just NEEDED that Dell)

"Now, I will destroy ThunderClan!" Tigerstar screamed maniacally.

"Did we really need to know that? I mean you should have attacked unexpectedly and not have us so alert." Squirrelpaw meowed.

"Good idea Squirrelpaw!" Tigerstar meowed. (Squirrelpaw, the blabbermouth!)

"BloodClan, rewind time to five minutes ago!" he meowed.

REWIND!

"BloodClan, attack!" Tigerstar screamed.

Well that was awkward!

I hope you liked this chapter! It was the longest so far, so enjoy the rest of the story!


	5. The Navy and Air Force

Author's Note: I hope you like my story so far! Well its going nowhere considering I don't know the ending. It will end soon though, sorry! But I'll make a sequel! P.S. I know everyone hates Squirrelpaw, that's why she's the Public Enemy. I like her though!

So BloodClan attacked unexpectedly, thanks to Squirrelpaw (sorry to the very few Squirrelpaw fans, like myself).

Graystripe called the Navy, (StarClan was too lazy to send help, because they were watching the Super Bowl) and this was the reply:

"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you would like to speak to an operator, press one."

"NO! THE NAVY'S ON VACATION!" Graystripe screamed like a lunatic.

ThunderClan paused stared at him.

"Don't you get it? It means scream loudly and run around in circles…" Graystripe clued them in. He started a feud.

Firestar screamed, "Don't just stand there deputy! Run around and scream as well! It's quite enjoyable! Or try the Air Force…" Firestar screamed.

Graystripe nodded. The same reply from the phone.

"THE AIR FORCE GOT EATEN BY CATERPILLARS AND WILDEBEESTS!" Graystripe started yet another feud…

Sorry for the short chappies! Bye!


	6. Mouth To Mouth

FINAL CHAPTER! FINSHED SHORT STORY!

ThunderClan was supposed to be attacking BloodClan, but they were attacking their Clanmates.

Tigerstar took Cinderpelt's Dell and Cinderpelt screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY DELL!" and fainted.

Squirrelpaw went straight into action. "Leafpaw's in the bathroom, and she needs a pro. I'm close enough. Did I mention I had to perform"--- pause for dramatic effect --- "mouth-to-mouth."

Gasping was heard. Squirrelpaw took a deep breath, and--- "ARE YOU A MADCAT?" Cinderpelt cried. "I fainted for how much that Dell was. Now let's kick some BloodClan butt."

Everyone was attacking BloodClan fiercely, except the few attacking Tigerstar, attacking fiercer, especially Firestar and Cinderpelt. Firestar had a couple of scratches on his nose not from picking his nose (he took a couple of pills and is going to call Littlecloud in the morning.), but from attacking so fierce.

Cinderpelt--- she's another story. Her fur was not clawed off or anything. She killed Tigerstar by biting his butt hard enough to make a bully scream. And Tigerstar squealed like a pig. He died, and swore he would be back. Cinderpelt took back her Dell proudly.

In the river, they had a pool party. A couple of cats reckoned they spotted a few yellow spots…

FIN

AN: I got the pool party idea from another story. Sorry!


	7. BONUS CHAPTER!

Didn't see this coming, now did you?

This is the bonus chapter!

Squirrelpaw and Graystripe were just hunting, and then they heard uproar.

"What's that, Graystripe?" Squirrelpaw asked.

"It's not the mice, I'll tell you that…" Graystripe replied.

ThunderClan was running with torches and pitchforks. An angry mob. The classic.

"What are you doing with those pointy things and those sticks on fire?" Squirrelpaw meowed.

Graystripe hissed, "RUN!"

Then ThunderClan, lived happily ever after. Well, not all of ThunderClan.


End file.
